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Monday, October 15, 2007

How Slim Whitman killed the Martians



And the Martians killed a lot of A Grade Actors.

Mars Attacks is currently one of Ryan's favourite movies. It is a fantastic spoof science fiction movie with the Martians eventually meeting their match with Slim Whitman yodelling Indian Love Call, which blows up their brains. What the Army and all their technology could not achieve that master Country Music saved the day. It is a B Grade Movie made with an A Grade Cast and associated budget, most of whom are killed by associated ray guns, shrink rays and flying saucers.

The full list of expensive casualties includes.

1. General Casey (Paul Winfield): Incinerated by Red Martian ray gun
2. Dr Ziegler (Jerzy Skolimowski): Incinerated by Martian ray gun off-screen
3. Billy Glenn Norris (Jack Black): Incinerated by Red Martian ray gun
4. Jason Stone (Michael J Fox): Incinerated by Green Martian ray gun off-screen
5. Jerry Ross (Martin Short): Hit in the head with paper weight
6. Martian Girl (Lisa Marie): Shot in the head by Mitch
7. Marsha Dale (Glenn Close): Crushed by falling chandelier
8. Art Land (Jack Nicholson): Killed in building destruction by Martian spaceship
9. Maurice, the French President (Barbet Schroeder): Incinerated by Red Martian ray gun
10. Mr. and Mrs. Norris (Joe Don Baker & O-Lan Jones): Trailer smashed into Sharona's trailer by Martian in a robot.
11. Sharona and Boyfriend (Christina Applegate): Trailer smashed into the Norris' trailer by Martian in a robot.
12. Rude Gambler (Danny DeVito): Incinerated Green by Martian ray gun
13. General Deckner (Rod Steiger): Shrunk by shrink-ray and squished
14. Mitch (Brian Haley): Incinerated by Green Martian ray gun
15. President James Dale (Jack Nicholson): Impaled in the back with robotic Martian arm which ended up being the Martian Flag.
16. Natalie (Sarah Jessica Parker): Killed in flying saucer crash
17. Professor Donald Kessler (Pierce Brosnan): Killed in flying saucer crash

I love the irony of the Americans wanting to make friends with the Martians and the Martians returning the favour by massacring everyone including the US President (twice), the US Congress and the French Parliament. No bad thing I say.

The film was not a commercial success because of the budget for all that high priced talent of $70 million. And if you need to repel some Martians, you could do worse than play this at high decibel.



Go On, You Know You Want To.

4 comments:

jams o donnell said...

For some reason I've never gotten around to watching that film. I'm surprised that the song didn't blow up the brains of a lot of eartlings too!

Welshcakes Limoncello said...

There's a moral in the story somewhere....

River said...

I love that movie!!

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