Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Too Many Drugs?

San Francisco Tibet Protest 2008.

What was that deal with Jesse Owens in 1936?

I have this as my desktop on my computer to remind me how intelligent my work colleagues are.

Thanks Mr Eugenides

Whats for dinner tonight and tomorrow

and the day after that......?

A bit more challenging than chicken leftovers. You'd need a big fridge and a large frying pan for all that calamari. or a huge barbecue. The one being defrosted is around 500 kilograms and just medium sized. I know I would freak out if I came across one in my bath. Just the eyes are 11 inches in diameter and it is not full grown. I can imagine my kids reaction.

The Last Trip

Fresh in the wake of the death of the father of techno, Tristram Cary, Albert Hofmann, the Swiss chemist who discovered the now-banned hallucinogenic drug LSD that was an icon of psychedelic '60s, has died at the age of 102.

In 1938 while working on ergot, a fungus that attacks grain, Hofmann isolated the German-named "Lysergsaeure-Diaethylamid," or lysergic acid diethylamide.

Five years later, working in his lab, Hofmann spilled some synthesised LSD on his hand.

The effects were immediate: suffering from dizziness, the scientist cycled home and pedalled into his first "trip".

Hofmann later said that a wave of happiness swept over him as he recalled sensations from his childhood. He also began to hallucinate and he felt able to fly.
Put these two guys together. What a party.

TRIP Albert Hofmann

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Some people have all the luck

Just another average life.

This guy survived going over Niagara Falls in a barrel, only the second person to do that, no mean feat, and died after slipping on an orange peel while on a publicity tour in the Antipodes.

Thanks Jayne for that important piece of information.

Adelaide Rave King Dead

The father of Techno and Hip Hop and the composer of the original Dr Who theme (thanks DoctorVee in comments) of electronic music for Doctor Who has died in Adelaide, aged 82.

The father of electronic music wore tweed jackets, had a refined English accent and smoked a pipe.

Tristram Cary, who has died in Adelaide, aged 82, came up with the idea of electronic and tape music while a naval radar officer during World War II.

He founded the electronic music studio at London's Royal College of Music in 1967 and, seven years later, migrated to Australia to establish a similar studio at the University of Adelaide

The Elder Conservatorium of Music head of music technology studies, Stephen Whittington, said Mr Cary's contribution to music was "impossible to quantify".

"He laid the foundations," Mr Whittington said today.

Where would the ecstasy market be without him? I wonder if they will have a rave instead of a wake?

Selecting a Mobile Phone

Microsoft is considering entering the mobile phone market with a model to tackle the complexity of the IPhone.

Maybe not. I think I will stick with my Nokia.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Dreaded Meme Time

Duncan has done the equivalent of the Glasgae Kiss in blogging terms. He tagged me. Tagging is interesting because tagging is a real job description for some Aussie Rules Footballers. They are the ones who hang around you like a bad smell and stop you from doing what you want to do in the game. All negative and the analogy is very true in this case. That said, Duncan is a nice guy and why not.

The truth is that I have not been tagged in a long time and I feel we have to do our duty every now and again. Even James Uber Meme Hater/Killer did a meme recently. Perhaps it was for this reason. Maybe he is a big softy.

1. The rules of the game get posted on the beginning.
2. Each player answers the rules about himself [or indeed herself].
3. At the end of the post, the player tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read his [or her] blog.

What I was doing ten years ago:

I was in Singapore living on the East Coast, getting ready to be a Dad for the first time and preparing to get married. I was doing similar work to what I do do now, land contamination assessments, just more countries to cover. Thank you Thank you Singapore Airlines, the Hyatt Hotel Chain, Singapore Taxis, expense accounts and the like. I prefer my simple life now, but that was interesting.

Five things on my To-Do list today:

I am not one for lists. I wait for my wife to yell at me and then I know it is important. I actually don't have too much on my list since it is Saturday, it is wet and cold and my wife has gone with my son to visit her friend. Lazy day and evening.

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Hell would freeze over before that happened based upon my financial accumen. If I didn't have to work, I wouldn't. I would have no problem finding things to do. I would visit the relatives in the UK, travel and then find something that my family would like to do.

Three of my bad habits:

Sloppy Behaviour
Chronic Lateness

Five places I’ve lived:

Glenrothes, where I was born
Washington DC
Palawan (Philippines)

Actually I have lived in the following places for more than three months, sequentially. Glenrothes Scotland, Country Fife near St Andrews, Aberdeen, London, Cupar Fife, Stirling, Washington DC, Aspen Colorado, Washington DC, Palawan Philippines, Seattle Washington State, Washington DC, New York, Silver Spring Maryland, Kathmandu, Washington DC, Singapore, Sacramento California, Adelaide South Australia.

Five jobs I’ve had:

I've had a bunch of these.

Seed Potato Roguer - Getting rid of all the bad tatties
Pallet Maker in a Saw Mill - One of the worst jobs ever. None of the old guys had all their fingers.
Bus Boy on Aspen Mountain. Free Ski Pass was the major benefit.
Manager of a Sir Speedy Printing Franchise in Seattle.
English Language Teacher for Vietnamese Refugees in the Philippines.

Five books I’ve recently read:

My reading is mostly on line, but I can list

Captain Underpants and the Big Bad Battle of the Bionic Bodger Boy. I had to find out what the attraction was. Both of my kids are currently addicted.
Adelaide Nature of a City. The Ecology of a Dynamic City from 1836 to 2036. Interesting background to Adelaide, my adopted city.
My new mobile phone instruction book. Completely useless, but worthwhile to browse through.
Easy Fast and Fun Food for Kids.
I organise the kids lunch and I am trying to broaden the culinary repertoire. Still not too motivated by all those appealling photographs.
Adelaide Street Guide. Very useful for our spread out urban environment.

Five people or communities I’m going to tag:

Well first of all, bollocks to leaving a comment as per rule 3 at the top. It’s bad enough tagging someone as it is. I plan to tag my community of mice that hang out in our shed, Spotty, our dog, the budgie community and Ben and Daisy the rabbits. I doubt that they will notice.

Pierre's New Penguin Suit

Pierre the penguin has a new penguin suit so that he can swim in the cold water. His version of the penguin universe normally lives to 20 and Pierre is 25 and balding.

The experiment has proved to be a success. In the six weeks since Pierre started wearing the suit, he has been thriving, able to plunge into water and interact normally with his fellow penguins. He has gained weight and has even grown new feathers to help cover up that pink behind. His penguin friends don't seem to mind that he looks at bit different – they all have white stomachs while his, with the suit on, is black.
Onya Old Guy

We have Larry, the relatives ancient Australian Terrier to stay while they are on vacation. He is completely deaf, incontinent and waddles around in an old and infirm way. No fun to be old. Still cute, just like Pierre.

Marriage Guidance 101

I am forever indebted to Nunyaa and Auld Reekie Rants for the following valuable advice. I am coming up to my ten year anniversary second time around. Perhaps digesting this will allow me to get through the next ten years relatively unscathed and with the same woman.


1. Fine:
this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

5. Loud Sigh:
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That’s Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks:
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.

8. Whatever:
Is a women’s way of saying F**K YOU!

9. Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking “what’s wrong”, for the woman’s response refer to # 3.

10. No:
This is the most complicated word a woman can use with a man. This is because she will say no, and mean no, or she will say no but mean yes. You will never get this right no matter what, so it is best not to try. Just remember, if she has salad and you have fries or pizza and you offer her some and and she says no, allow her to eat off of your plate without questioning her, or better yet, just give her half. This may also mean she is upset when she says she is not, and if you dare to ask “why” she will either respond with “nothing” — refer to # 3, or I’m “fine” — refer to # 1.


1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to the cinema? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

OK I am off to practice until my wife gets up. Was that yes or no with two sugars ma'am?

I eat my first Vegemite Sandwich

Vegemite on toastImage via WikipediaYesterday I ate my first Vegemite Sandwich. My son only ate one and I was rushing out the door and was handed the other to eat in the car. My daughter and her friend were incredulous that I could have lived this long and not savoured the delights. I know why! Must be an acquired taste and not being Aussie, I don't have to justify it.

While we are on the topic, there is this. Tricky. I have no ideas which ones I got right or wrong.

Anyway on my way Mates!

You are 83% Aussie!

She'll be apples in the morning with a bit of practice. Break out the barbie and invite some mates over. Chuck some Vic bitter Coopers Pale in the esky, grill up some Vegemite Prawns on the barbie, fire up some AccaDacca, turn on the footy and have a bonzer time!

How Aussie are you?

Thanks Nunyaa and James

I'll Go For Foreign and Knowledeagable Thanks

You are 82% English.

You are either native and stupid, or you are foreign and knowledgeable.

How English are you?

In reality, I am about as English as a Haggis Supper at The Ritz.

Thanks James

Friday, April 25, 2008

Photo Hunt: Unique Funny Signs

We got this one close to our house, where Hannah has a street named for her. There are so many funny signs on the internet, but this is unique for Hannah.

And this one is very contemporary. I just came across it, and thought it was funny.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Sturts Desert Pea

Yesterday on my way to project management training at the National Wine Centre, which is next to the Adelaide Botanic Garden, I came across Sturts Desert Pea. It is the State Flower of South Australia and I had heard of it through the Desert Pea Blog, another Adelaide blog, but I had never seen it before. My boss who was with me at the time told me he had lived in Alice Springs during one of the years they had huge floods and that after that, the desert turned red with Desert Peas.

The plant is very unremarkable for most of the year, prostrate and grey green and adapted to very arid conditions. When it decides to flower, it is glorious.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Revisiting My Primary School Readers

Some of my old primary school readers have been updated to reflect important contemporary issues. Where did all that bed rock of trust personified by the likes of Dixon of Dock Green go?

Not having lived in the UK for over twenty years I am surprised at some of the current police practices.

I actually had this book. I can remember some of the illustrations. Nothing in here about guarding Olympic Torches. Very clever. My brother sent these in an email, so no idea who the clever insurgents are. You can see them all here.

Australia Expands

Australia has expanded by 2.5 million hectares, giving it access to valuable oil and gas potential.

The extension to Australia's territorial jurisdiction stems from the findings of a United Nations commission on the limits of the continental shelf and the ratification of the 1982 Convention on the Law of the Sea.

The decision gives Australia the rights to whatever exists on the seabed in the area, including oil and gas, and biological resources such as micro-organisms that could potentially be used to develop medicines.
That is a lot of valuable oceanic real estate, especially if oil remains as high as it is at present.

Liberal Party New Theme Song

With Australian Prime Minister Kevin "Cult of Celebrity" Rudd ruling out a new national anthem for Australia, to replace the moderately awkward current anthem, Brendan "A Little Bit Hot and Cold" Nelson, the uber popular opposition leader has authorised a new anthem to drum up support within the party.

This will attempt to link his personal quest with that of the Liberal/National Party Coalition

"I am very determined, and I will keep fighting and standing up for everyday Australians," he said. "I assure you, I'm going nowhere."

Dr Nelson's approval rating fell last week to about 9 per cent.

He has got to have one of the worst jobs in Australia and he is doing it badly.

Roll on the sympathy vote.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

He'll be ready. So will Glasgow.

Aye Right

With all the focus on Beijing, don't forget Glasgow is hosting the Commonwealth Games in 2014. This photograph exposes the worst in cynical Scottish thinking about what it means. Very confronting. That said, Glasgow was European City of Kulcha. If it can do that it can host the Commonwealth Games.

And this is how Glasgow won the bid.

Beattie Greenwashes Eco Tourism

Former Queensland Governor, Peter Beattie, now swanning it up in the United States is pitching eco tourism in Queensland to wealthy Americans and Europeans.

"Global warming not only demands environmental answers but will see an increasing desire ... for clean, green tourism destinations which are environmentally friendly and carbon neutral."

He said an increasing number of American and European tourists would demand eco-friendly tourist activities and accommodation.

"Queensland's rainforests and Great Barrier Reef will be prime targets for these environmental tourists, and operators who promote themselves as environmentally friendly and carbon neutral will be the big winners," he said.

"Indeed, holiday experiences which include a focus on the dangers facing the reef from rising global temperatures will have a particular appeal, especially if Australian tourism operators highlight the positive role Australia is playing in fighting carbon emissions and global warming."

The guests will have to live like those on Survivor (without the television crews), to balance out the carbon emissions from the long haul flights there and back. Probably a minimum sentence of two years in the bush eating insects and native vegetation.

And watch out for those crocs.

I am definitely not saying don't come. I understand that Australia is keen to attract foreign tourists, but I am not sure that this is the way to go. Fair enough if it is a marketing pitch, to get more tourists, but not too much in the way of reducing carbon emissions.

Photo Hunt: Thirteen

Thirteen Blooming Sunflowers (plus one getting ready to bloom).

Up Yer Kilt Hugh Cheape from Mel Gibson and Me

Apparently all those Braveheart images of uncouth semi naked highlanders dashing into battle with their bagpipes and kilts is just romantic imagination. Well blaw me doon.

But contrary to popular belief, the great Highland bagpipe never led the Scottish clans into battle against the English, nor did kilted pipers carry them around the castles of Highland chieftains, playing laments to the fallen.

In fact, says a new history by a leading authority on the much-loved — and loathed — instrument, the Highland bagpipe was invented less than 200 years ago, primarily for urban audiences. And what's more, it was largely created using money from wealthy Scottish emigres living in London.

In a new book, Hugh Cheape, a leading Gaelic historian and expert piper, argues that the origins of the instrument have been confused by decades of mythology and deliberate invention; even, he hints, by deception.

Like most tartan regalia and the modern kilt, the great Highland bagpipe and many of its traditions were manufactured by the Scottish middle classes in the early 1800s in their romantic quest to rediscover their forgotten past.

Leave us alone with our Mel Gibson inspired delusional views of Scottish History Mr Cheape (great name for a Scotsman). Next you will be claiming that they were invented and imported from Pakistan.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Pelican Takes Out F-111

Australia is in the process of decommissioning their fleet of F-111 Fighter Bombers. Yesterday a Pelican helped them on their way.

RIP Mr Pelican. What a way to go. Sucked into a jet engine.

All the things that designers plan for, but a pelican at 900 metres is probably not one of them. I wonder if they show up on radar.

World Record Mass Orgy in Japan

Only in Japan. An organised orgy with 500 participants. Available on DVD.

Prude Alert Warning. Naughty Picture
Feel Free to Look Away

I had to laugh. This looks more like what I hated about physical education in high school than the joy of sex.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Scottish Cultural Lessons: Humour

Although these were compiled by Mike Smith of Auld Reekie Rants, I feel that they are sufficiently in the public domain that they are fair game to republish.

For those without a Scottish cultural background, I have to say sorry. Detailed explanations available in comments given sufficient groveling or large quantities of unmarked virtual bills.

A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist and settles down in the chair. 'Comfy?' asks the dentist. 'Govan,' she replies.

What did the Siamese twins from Glasgow call their autobiography? Oor Wullie.

A guy walks into an antiques shop and says: 'How much for the set of antlers?' 'Two hundred quid,' says the bloke behind the counter. 'That's affa deer,' says the guy.

Did you hear about the fella who liked eating bricks and cement? He's awa' noo.

After announcing he's getting married, a boy tells his pal he'll be wearing the kilt. 'And what's the tartan?' asks his mate. 'Oh, she'll be wearing a white dress,' he replies.

What do you call a pigeon that goes to Aviemore for its holidays? A skean dhu.

How many Spanish guys does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.

A man takes a pair of shoes back to the shop and complains that there is a lace missing. 'No,' argues the assistant, 'look at the label - it says Taiwan .'

What's the difference between The Rolling Stones and an Aberdeen sheep farmer? The Rolling Stones say: 'Hey you, get off of my cloud.' And an Aberdeen sheep farmer says: 'Hey McLeod, get off of ma ewe.'

What do you call an illegitimate Scottish insect? A wee fly b*****d.

What about the Scotsman who lost his testicles in a motorcycle accident? The surgeon re-attached them with Bostik.

While being interviewed for a job as a bus driver, a guy is asked: 'What would you do if you had a rowdy passenger?' 'I'd put him off at the next stop,' he says. 'Good. And what would you do if you couldn't get the fare?' 'I'd take the first two weeks in August,' he replies.

Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative - 'Aye right.'

A Glasgow man - steaming and skint - is walking down Argyle Street when he spots a guy tinkering with the engine of his car. 'What's up, Jimmy?' he asks. 'Piston broke,' he replies. 'Aye, same as masel...'
And there's mair humour whaur that cam fae.

Have an exquisite day darlings.

Thanks Mike (Even if you do support Hearts).

Our Fish Have Names

Ryan and I were in our very nice neighbourhood pet shop yesterday and impulsively bought four more fish. We now have a family of Shibunkins, Comets, Fan Tails and Moors, including the two nameless ones that we already had. They are somewhat more real now that Ryan has given them names. So *roll drums* Introducing:

Silver Fish
Little Thing
Darth Vader
See Through
Gold Checkered


It is so great to spend time with the kids, during the holidays, but time alone with each of them is very special. Mum and Hannah have gone to visit Granny and so Ryan and I are just hanging out enjoying the sunny Autumn day.

While we were at it, he decided that he couldn't name the seven budgies today. Too many other things to do. So they will just remain "The Budgies"

Good Guys and Bad Guys

" The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."

Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

Survivor Daddy

Meg posted this. I thought it was funny.

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of ‘pretend’ bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewellery, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name. Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labour, each child’s favourite colour, middle name, favourite snack, favourite song, favourite drink, favourite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. And then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, ‘You’re not the boss of me’.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

I stayed at home with the kids for four years before they went to school, so I might do ok.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Lizard Queen Snipes at Critics

Apparently it was all true in Bosnia. It is so hard to believe what you read in the press. They must have it in for her.

Thanks Norfolk Blogger

And in another shocking turnaround, Her Hillaryness has offered to negotiate in good faith with the Armani suited mean bitter and twisted one, to ensure that The Candidate of Destiny with the most experience in the White House, who can drink with the best of them..... the best candidate gets the nomination.

Whew. I thought it was just about to get really nasty there.

Update: Seems that they have agreed on a compromise.

*vomits quietly*

Thanks Simon